Why Friendship Changes as an Adult

Photo by the lovely Divya who I miss every much #savvylovesdivvy

I was sitting on a train this last Tuesday morning. I was on my way to see an old friend of mine who is moving to New Zealand. I watched the fields of green grass and lambs go by and I thought about all of the people in my life, my friends, how much I love them, but how much has changed as well. I think of kindred spirits, like-minded people, and good memories now blurry like the photo above, and I miss them. I don’t want anymore change, but change is inevitable.

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships lately. About friendships as you leave school or university and move towards adulthood. I used to think that friendships wouldn’t change just because you are an adult and have adult responsibilities, but they do. Having adult responsibilities means change and the possibilities of leaving and new life. People pick their own path. We don’t stay in the same place forever. 

Remember, Rachel, from a year ago when you were in England and we would meet on campus to study and chat about literature, writing, theology, and feminism? Obviously we are still friends (duh) but the context of our friendship has changed. You had ‘adult’ responsibilities. You wanted a job. You are a writer who respectfully questions things. So you moved where you could grow  in that and now we rely on technology to communicate. We are changed. We are changing, growing separately in every area expect for this blog. This is, to me, one aspect of friendships changing as an adult. You learn to grow your own life, with support from others, separately.

As always, I’m growing in this. I’m not very good at making new friends. I find it difficult to keep in contact with old friends in the midst of changing circumstances. I’m realising now that I have a tendency to isolate myself. These are the areas that I know I’m weak in. This is where I need to grow.

I am learning to adapt in my friendships as an adult. Some friendships go and that’s okay. Some friendships stay and that is good. I am learning to make the most of my time because I have less time. There isn’t so much drama. I have to go out of my way to pursue friendship, but there is something healthy in that. If I have learned anything over the past few years, it is that you need people and sometimes people need you.

After all of those thoughts, I hopped off of my train and strolled across the platform, where I met my friend. We both shrieked, embraced, and chatted non-stop like kids. It was a good and much-needed time. On the train home, I thought of our friendship and the changes coming up. We were both teens when we met but now we are adults. She is married with two young kids of her own. We wandered around town, just like we used to do, but this time we took turns holding the children’s hands. We bought sweets, but this time we had to share it out with the kids. We have changed. Our context has changed; but that doesn’t mean the affection changes.


“I miss you, Savvy” – Rachel ❤



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