This Is What I Need Most

I’m sitting in the emergency room while my friend gets shuttled off to get a CAT scan. It’s 11:00 pm on a weekday but I’m not complaining. There’s a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart and it’s not just because I know my friend’s health is in God’s hands.

Three months ago, I invited myself to sit at this girl’s lunch table—plopping my Tupperwared food on the space, gesturing to the chair, yes? Yes. I got to know the gang and it was friendship at first sight. I don’t know how it happened but it did.

I know a thing or two about being the new girl. When I last blogged about it though (read here), I wrote about feeling lonely and longing for that friend group with inside jokes and deep conversation. But there was something else that I didn’t realize was also missing.

It’s the feeling of being needed. Call me insecure but it’s pretty nice when someone needs you. That’s why I love driving people to places. I feel needed, useful, instrumental in someone’s life. It’s not wrong to want to feel that, right?

The Bible teaches us to serve one another. Ephesians 5:21 tells us to submit to one another. I feel like I achieve that when I’m going out of my way to help somebody. I sacrifice an evening to read my friend’s essay and give them feedback. I drop what I’m doing to help a coworker. I drive my friend to the hospital.

Driving
Photo Credit: Taylor Berglund

As a (youngish) unmarried and childless individual, I don’t have to make sacrifices very often. So I crave those instances when I can pretend be a self-sacrificing person.

However, I’ve also had to learn to ask for help. This same friend also spent an evening listening to me offload about a personal issue of mine and, in turn, offer her words of wisdom. Because I hadn’t fully shaken the new-girl feeling, it still required a lot of trust on my part.

Another time, a friend of mine assured me, upon learning that I liked to drink, that he would be there to help if I ever drank too much to drive home. Obviously, I don’t plan on this happening but it did make me think: would I have the boldness to call for help?

Am I willing to show someone I only recently met that I can sometimes be, in fact, vulnerable and in need?

When the Apostle Paul was going through hell on earth, he said in 2 Corinthians 11:27-30:

“I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. And apart from other things, there is the daily pressure on me of my anxiety for all the churches. Who is weak, and I am not weak? Who is made to fall, and I am not indignant? If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.”

Paul was being super vulnerable about his struggles and insecurities. It goes to show that when we are vulnerable, we leave room for grace—grace being love and then some. It’s extra that the recipient does not deserve.

When we choose to be honest and open up to each other, it leaves room for grace. It enables us to demonstrate Jesus-like grace and, as Christians, aren’t we all supposed to be helping each other be more like Jesus?

Dad & I

So as a message to all you future new girls and new guys, it’s okay to show your new friend that you are actually a fallible human being in a fallible world and will sometimes need their help, their comfort, and their companionship.

I try to pretend like I can do life on my own but I can’t. I need people. If it takes admitting that via blogging, then so be it. You guys like it when I get personal anyway, right?

So serve each other. Let others serve you. And let’s have grace flowing like a champagne fountain.

Cheers!

-Rachel

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