How do you feel about being single? Guest blogger Cole Forbes opens up:
My last roommate just started dating, the final nail in the coffin of our once shared bachelorhood. A year ago now we stood four strong, basking in the glow of our loneliness together. Yet one-by-one they fell away into relationships until I was the last remaining holdout. All that remains is a time that they would happily like to move on from.
I’m the awkward last guy at a party who hasn’t gotten the hint to leave yet.
(I’m here for the pity party, and I’ll be dining alone.)
All jokes aside, the fact remains that I’m the only single man in a house full of boyfriends. Which is really only a problem when I let it be, when I let my emotions get the best of me. When I let the enemy trick me into thinking I’ll always be alone, and that I’m just not good enough for anyone else. When I let the loneliness take root, which it inevitably will sometimes.
You may be wondering why, in this day and age, when a suitable date is but an app-download and a “swipe-right” away, would I choose to single? And truthfully the answer is a simple one: I’m just not ready.
I grew up as an extremely selfish person (here is where any family member will chime in emphatically). And though I am slowly getting better at it through prayer and reading the Bible, I still recognize just how selfish I am.
One of my best friends gets married next month and, when I ask him what he’s up to, 9 out of 10 times he says he’s hanging out with his fiancé or doing something for her. My reaction is an eye roll and annoyance that I never get to see him anymore, and that’s selfish. When I think to myself that I would never want to spend that much time with someone else, because I enjoy ‘me time’ far too much, that’s selfish!
They say that the first step in the road to recovery is admitting you have a problem though, so at least I have that going for me. But the reality is I’m just not ready to commit myself to another person right now.
It’s not like I don’t know what being in a relationship is like. I have dated before, thank you.
Granted, every relationship I have ever been in happened before I became a Christian (almost 2 years ago now) which feels like a lifetime ago. Back then I dated because I wanted to, because a girl was pretty, or I was bored or lonely. Now, I have the luxury of knowing Jesus Christ and that if I’m not dating with the idea of marriage, then I’m wasting my time and theirs.
And at twenty-seven-years old (a senior citizen in Christian dating circles) I don’t have the time to waste anymore.
People have told me that I’m wasting my best years away by not dating and my mom sometimes wonders when I’ll “find a nice girl,” and sometimes I wonder that too (seriously, where are you nice girl?). But one thing I’m trying to get better at is being faithful and knowing that God will provide for me when the time is right.
I want to be diligent and follow the plan that God has for me. If I try and force something to happen on MY time, it might be with the wrong person or at the wrong time, and screw up everything He has planned for me.
I’ve screwed up enough with the wrong people at the wrong time.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says:
“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.”
My ways have been crooked all my life. They lead me down roads I no longer wish to tread. So I will submit my ways to Him, and know that I am in good hands. And when He permits it, the right woman will come along, and I’ll know. I’ll be ready.
Until then, the bachelor life will do just fine.
Cole Forbes gave his life to Christ two years ago, and it was the best decision he ever made. Other things he enjoys are spending time with his friends and family, watching sports, movies, and listening to music. For a narcissist, he is finding writing about himself more difficult than he imagined. Find him on Twitter @coletrain2481 and Instagram at coletrain2481.