What to Do When You’re a Hot Mess

Let’s start with talking about me.

I have been called a hot mess. All-over-the-place. Picture a forgetful stiletto-snapping female who still smells of college. I make last-minute plans, stroll straight into compromising situations (read ‘When I Went to a Burlesque Show’), and flaunt my naïveté like knockoff Pandora bracelets.

With that in mind, I found an article on Whole Magazine called ‘Work and the Modern Christian Woman’, and it deeply resonated with me when it said:

“I wish I could say I always carry my “full plate” as gracefully and God-glorifying as I’d like to, but that would be a lie. It seems like there isn’t a single moment where I’m not tripping over my own feet and waiting with baited breath for the plate to tumble and crash into a hundred pieces.”*

I feel the same way. I would love to always be graceful and God-glorifying but that just will not happen by my own strength.

You Got Thios
Southside Philly, what up

In F*cked, a book by two of my favorite podcast hosts Corinne Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson, the authors vow to teach the reader “that you deal with sh*t, you brush your shoulder off, and you move the f*ck on.”** For Corinne and Krystyna, “in a society where it has, for some reason, become chic to be the victim, they say the pity party ends now.”

And we need to make that choice to end the pity party. My beloved co-blogger, Savvy,  wrote a post not too long ago entitled, ‘I Am (Not) A Victim,” saying:

“There is some element of choice in our struggles. I can choose to wallow in my anxiety, focus on it, allow it to grow or I can acknowledge the anxiety and attempt to move on forwards anyways. In forgetting that my own actions matter, I get stuck, and I hate being stuck.”

Ditto. I’m with Savvy, Corinne, and Krystyna: when you mess up, learn from your mistake and then move the f*ck on.

But, of course, that’s not easy. I get stuck when I mess up. It feels like I just can’t get it right. I see my hot messness and my all-over-the-placeness, and it makes me feel like an inadequate woman. An inadequate Christian. Someone who doesn’t know anything.

But in the Whole Magazine article, journalist Jessica Ray also writes:

“This very idea is so ridiculous: that we are disgraced as women when we cannot bear the weight that has been placed on us or that we’ve willingly placed on ourselves. We have a habit, as human beings, of placing all sorts of weights on ourselves that are not supposed to be there.”

Maybe the reason why many women feel like me – like hot messes – is because we bite off more than we can chew.

I personally try to micromanage my life and be in control. When I can’t bear the weight, it all feels messy when actually, it’s natural. It’s normal. It’s what-did-you-expect.

So with that said, fellow pseudo-hot-messes, when you make a mistake, let’s learn from it, brush our shoulders off, and move the f*ck on.


*”Work and the Modern Christian Woman,” Whole Magazine, by Jessica Ray

**Fisher, Corinne, and Krystyna Hutchinson. F*cked: Being Sexually Explorative and Self-Confident in a World That’s Screwed. HarperCollins, 2017.o

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