Jesus and the Single Girl

She’s wearing a ring.

I just met her today at the coffeeshop and now we’re splitting Ben & Jerry’s in the Walmart parking lot. The Florida sun wages warfare on our shoulders.

I point my plastic spoon at her wedding ring and say:

“How do you do it?”

“What do you mean?” she says.

“How do you stay committed?” I ask her.

Because, you see, I enjoy being single.

Don’t get me wrong, I love being in a relationship. I love the commitment and the security. It was a tear-jerking experience when, last year, my boyfriend-at-the-time and I broke up.

But there are some perks to being single.

Let’s start with the surface-level things.

I can mingle and flirt with new guys. I can get my ego stroked. If a guy texts me, I can text him back seventy-two hours later. Or just not text back at all.

I can be possessive of my time. If I want to spend the weekend writing and not talking to anyone, I can do that. If I want to over-commit to a helluva lot of parties and volunteer opportunities, I can do that too. Because after all, to use Kesha’s words, I’m a motherf*cking woman.

Okay. Now the not-so-surfacey things.

I can focus on being a better Christian.

Not that I couldn’t do that when I was in a relationship. But, to echo the Apostle Paul’s words, my interests are not divided. When you read the Bible, you see that it never underestimates the value of being single.

A woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. 1 Corinthians 7:34 NLT.

Being sans a significant other means one less thing to devote time and energy into. That’s great news for me.

Except that, I have a confession: I’ve been indulging in the surface-level things more. The not-so-surface-level things? The Christian growing stuff? It hasn’t exactly been my focus. Not until recently.

I think back to when I first had, I would call it, a ‘spiritual breakthrough.’ I was at uni and I would amble into church, hungover and desperate for love. Thanks to a few trials and tribulations, God grew me up and I had a real wake-up call.

After that, I became fixated on being a better Christian. I read the Bible more. I took notes during sermons. I prayed with my friends. I actively avoided situations that could lead me to compromise my convictions.

Was that all false? Because I’m not that way now. Not that that’s a problem—God never promises a 24/7 spiritual high. But what about me has changed since then?

As I share Cherry Garcia ice cream with this married girl, I say:

“It’s just that I love being single. How do you not feel tempted to…?”

The girl laughs and says:

“You just keep choosing him.”

She pinches her ring. “It’s not like I never feel tempted. I could just take this off and…you know. But I don’t. I choose my husband. Daily.

She continues, “I said I do—so what? We keep pursuing each other.”

My pastor in uni (cough, cough, Savvy’s dad) would always say that Christianity is not a religion. It’s a relationship. And like all relationships, it’s a commitment.

As much as I cringe at Christianese jargon like ‘your walk with God’ or ‘choose God,’ faith IS a relational experience. It involves, for lack of better phrasing, ‘pursuing’ God.

I’ve realized that even though I’ve had points of being super Christian, that doesn’t mean I go complacent. That doesn’t mean I stop reading the Bible or praying. Or stop questioning the kinds of influences I expose myself to.

Choosing a life that glorifies God is a daily practice.

In every micro-moment, I choose Him.


4 thoughts on “Jesus and the Single Girl

  1. Love this! Thanks for sharing! I, too, am single and loving it. Would I like to be in a relationship one day? Sure! But I’m waiting on God to bring him into my life. So until then, I will continue my walk with the Lord, growing and strengthening every day. 🙂


  2. I was single until well into my 30s. I called it when I was 14 and said I was going to be single, have a job that required traveled (I was a road warrior for 3 years). I wrote a book while I was single. I moved to another state by myself. I took trips. Do not put off doing things you want to do because you aren’t a couple. As a wife and mother, we still take trips (because we love traveling) and we have adventures…it’s just different; you have to pack water for 3 other people. When it was the one for me…I knew. Somehow, God wires us to recognize family. We met in a prayer group that I was leading. He could pray. We are different. We have had some struggles. We have had adventures together. We are looking forward to many more adventures. Sex is great but it’s not the most important thing. (Someone needs to know this….the world has been selling us a lie…sex and sexual gratification isn’t the most important thing in our lives. Stop basing your decisions solely on attraction. Sex is not as important as love, loyalty, kindness, grace, forgiveness….sex will not save make or save your marriage. )


    1. Hay! Thank you for your reply! I checked out your blog and really liked it. You write with honesty.

      Yeah, I don’t want to fall into the trap of believing that being in a relationship means the end of ambition. I like the idea of having someone to go on adventures with and be a companion. That’s really important to me.

      Thank you also for speaking on sex. I think you’re right to believe that sometimes there is a fixation on it when it won’t make or save your marriage. As a single person, though, that’s beyond my area of expertise! 😉 So, I appreciate you speaking honestly about that.

      Keep writing!
      Love, Rachel

      Liked by 1 person

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